Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
