Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
