I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
