I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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