i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
