lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
someone owes me an orgasm
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
