no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
