if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
