Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
