that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
