he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you inspire me to be a worse person
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
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