He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
