the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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