At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
