Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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