I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
