You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
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You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
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