You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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