i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
There's always time for handjobs
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
