And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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