I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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