There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You are a genius and a whore.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
