you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
