things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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