i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
