you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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