That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
