she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
