the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
