going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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