He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
