Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Randomize
