after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize