I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
