You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
