How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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