Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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