her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
