Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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