This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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