You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
