My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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