Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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