I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
