So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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