he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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