i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
