I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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