i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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