He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
