Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
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I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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