Having a random hookup so left but love u
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
