What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
