It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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