Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
