I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
