soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
