Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
