Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
