He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
